There I am, sitting in my car, waiting for it to warm up before I brave the roads of Toronto to get to work. I am feeling good. I am feeling relaxed. I am ready to drive after two weeks of West Coast living.
I have not missed the drive into work at all. I mean, not even a bit, not one iota. How bad could the drive be? It is March Break, there will be less cars on the road, less “volume” as the radio traffic hawks say. Don’t psych yourself out even before leaving the driveway, it won’t be that bad, in 30 minutes you will be at work.
Ok, let’s roll down the driveway and begin:
The challenges immediately but not annoyingly begin heading down my street. I expected the range of snow piles to my right eating up a quarter of the street’s width, I was out there making some of them. The snow piles look like a mountain range, I call them the Lastmans in honour of former North York mayor Mel Lastman who somehow got the roads plowed when he was at the helm. Anyway..back to the drive.
Cue the first bewildering driver just two blocks into my journey on Caledonia. I guess while I was away for two weeks I missed the new traffic law which allowed anyone over 60 to hog both lanes of northbound traffic. This “law in action” happened not once but twice. I get it, they figured there was nothing wrong with both lanes so why not enjoy them at the same time.
Next, on to the highway. Today was a “collectors” day and I avoided the express lanes. Ten minutes in, there ahead of me, is “Mobile Office Man”. He is on his ridiculous looking hands-free earpiece unit, looking like a Star Trek Next Generation extras reject, gesticulating with his hands as if conducting the New York Philharmonic, alternating hands to both drive and make his point.
It is okay, I say to myself. Think Pacific Ocean. Think how powerful and yet serene it looked. Think now of Mobile Office Man driving straight into it. His phone earpiece blinking slowly away as he sinks below the surface. Ah, I feel better already.
Do I mention the idiot while heading north on Victoria Park who came to a full stop when a TTC bus pulled over to the side to pick up passengers? You are supposed to yield to them after they have loaded and want to rejoin traffic, not block for them when they still have not yet even picked up passengers.
The drive in would not have been complete without “SUV Man” crossing my path. It is always great to run into this hero. You know who he is, feeling all righteous, acting like he owns the road and that all signs are merely a suggestion to him. SUV Man almost honoured me by T-boning me after we got to a four-way stop. I arrived first and started to make my left. I guess there was a cappuccino or breakfast bagel somewhere burning that he needed to rescue. He started to going straight as I crossed in front of his grill. Thanks SUV Man, you are my hero and you honked to say hi no less!